


I woke up, begging you to be real

by elletromil



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3642687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stops suddenly when he spots his target a bit farther down the street coming in his direction and his heart clenches painfully. He knows coming here wasn’t his best idea, but he would have never imagine it would be so agonising.</p><p>But to see Harry Hart, whole, healthy, so very much alive…. He would not regret having a last look even if it was the last thing he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I woke up, begging you to be real

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johanirae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johanirae/gifts).



> So earlier the lovely johanirae posted that gorgeously heartbreaking art
> 
> http://johanirae.tumblr.com/post/114929226141/kingsman-hartwin-amnesia-harry-au-eggsy
> 
> with this caption "Eggsy discovers that the Kingsman doctors saved Harry but was unable to recover his memory. Despite protestations from Merlin and Eggsy, the Knights decide the best thing to do would be to remove all ties Harry had with the Kingsman and place him back into the normal world. Eggsy sneaks off to see him for one last time, but when he finally does see him, he cannot help breaking down and begging Harry to just recognize him."
> 
> Now those for those of you who know me, you know I cannot stand angst without a happy ending, so asked johanirae if I could right a little fix-it for her art and was lucky enough to be told yes.
> 
> So here in thanks for all the art you keep sharing with us years after years, a little fanfic for you.

Eggsy shouldn’t be there, shouldn’t be walking down that street. He shouldn’t even have the littlest idea of where to find his target, but Merlin had taken pity on him, had told him a location and a time.

He had not bothered to tell him not to make contact. Eggsy knew better than that.

He stops suddenly when he spots his target a bit farther down the street coming in his direction and his heart clenches painfully. He knows coming here wasn’t his best idea, but he would have never imagine it would be so agonising.

But to see Harry Hart, whole, healthy, so very much alive… He would not regret having a last look even if it was the last thing he does.

He just wishes that he could add having a conversation with the man to it. Or, more simply, wishes he could apologize for nearly fucking up all his efforts to offer Eggsy a chance to become better than he was, wishes he could _thank_ him for believing in him even if Eggsy had turned out to be such a disappointment.

He wishes he could tell him he’s better now, that he’ll honor his mantle as Galahad, that he’ll do everything to make Harry _proud_.

Unfortunately, that’s something he’ll never be able to do. Kingsman orders regarding Harry Hart have been very clear. All ties to the man have to be cut, no contact should be made with him. Merlin had tried to argue that it would not be making a favor to the man who had been a Kingsman agent for most of his life, but his protests had fallen in deaf ears. Harry Hart suffered from amnesia, he was no longer of use to the organisation. The only thing they could offer to the man who had been one of their best agent was the possibility to enjoy the rest of his life peacefully, in financial security. Given how the Knights’ lives usually ended in blood and violence, they thought it would be something akin to a blessing.

Eggsy had only felt sick when Merlin had given him the news with a dark look. Even now, Eggsy can feel the bile rising in his throat as he watches Harry leisurely walking up the street towards him.

To avoid suspicion, he starts walking again, but he cannot look away, his eyes drinking in the sight of his former mentor. It’s the first time he’s seen him since Harry left that fateful day for a church in Kentucky with a promise to come back and sort it out. Not that he hadn't wanted to visit Harry when he was still at the hospital, but he had been banned from doing so, in fear he might reveal something he wasn’t supposed to.

They’re only a couple of feet from each other now and then he will have to say goodbye for good. He wants to yell, he wants to cry, he wants to fight. He wants to pull a tantrum because of the unfairness of it all. But he’s a gentleman now, he won’t disgrace the trust Harry has put in him. He can do it. It’s only a few more steps, then Eggsy will get on with his life, saving the world so that Harry can continue to live in loathed ignorance.

Except, when they only have a couple of steps between them, Harry looks at him with a polite smile and a small frown of interrogation. His eyes are empty of any recollection and Eggsy had thought he could do this, but he _can’t_.

Without any conscious decision on his part, he grabs Harry by the lapels of his coat and he can hear himself _begging_ , but he cannot do anything to stop himself, even when he feels his eyes watering, tears threatening to fall at any moments.

“Harry, please, you have to remember, you have to! You can’t not remember me, please... Please tell me you know who I am!”

But there’s only fear and confusion in the man’s eyes and oh what a pathetic sight Eggsy must make, causing a scene in broad daylight like this. Harry would be so disappointed in him and he’s already feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment at his own breakdown.

As fast as he’d grabbed onto him, he’s releasing him and, before Harry has half a chance to react, he just starts to run. He runs fast without a destination in mind, in the hopes that maybe if he goes far enough away, he’ll make it to somewhere Harry Hart is still alive with his memories intact.

~

Harry’s hand is not quick enough to stop the young man when he breaks into a run.

He had been surprised when the young man unceremoniously grabbed him, but the feeling had soon turn to confusion when the words he was saying finally registered. He had had no recollection of the man, yet for the first time since he woke up in a hospital bed a few months ago, he feels as if he _knew_ him. He can feel it to the marrow of his bones and isn’t it a strange sensation?

Nevertheless, the young man is still gone and would probably not come back after the scene he had caused.

Harry is so very angry at himself at failing to stop his flight. If only he had been faster, maybe then he would have some answers to all the questions he keeps asking himself. Maybe he could finally learn exactly _who_ he is.

His frustration is short lived though. It might be a poor lead, but he has had the time to notice that the suit the not-truly-a-stranger was wearing was of such a fine material, fitting him so well, it had to be a bespoke one. Maybe a few walks by Savile Row will do him good.

He might even get lucky and really come across the young man again. It’s not like he has something better to do with his time.

*

Since his encounter with the young man, Harry sometimes wakes up, with a name on his lips he cannot form and the feeling he needs to be _somewhere_ , needs to be doing _something_.

 

Still, the memories escape him and he goes back to sleep, his dreams a blurry of red violence, gray regrets and blue admiration.

~

_He’s back from a mission at HQ and Harry is in the debriefing room, smiling-_

_There is a knock on his front door and when he opens it, Harry is on the other side, smiling-_

_He’s in a tight spot, too many hostiles for him to deal with, until there’s a blurry of motions that leaves Harry standing in front of him, smiling-_

_He sits down at a table in a busy restaurant, Harry already seated at the other side, smiling-_

 

Eggsy wakes up, nauseous, tears prickling his eyes, a word stuck in his throat, a word he won’t say, because he knows it won’t change anything.

 

_Please_

*

The next day, Harry walks down Savile Row and he’s angry at the sense of disappointment he feels when nothing in the street turn out to be familiar.

He knows by now that amnesia doesn’t work like this, that life isn’t a movie.

Somehow, the saying seems _wrong_.

~

Merlin calls him for a mission, but for a second he would pretend he’s about to tell him Harry has recovered his memories and wants to speak with him.

He hates himself for the tiny hope that just doesn’t want to die.

He should have learned by now that it’s not that kind of movie.

*

Harry has been taking walks down Savile Row for a couple of months already, without ever seeing the young man. He would have given up by now, were it not for the fact that a few days after he had started he had gotten prickles of recollection.

As it is, he is still waiting to remember anything, but he can feel the memories swirling around, just _waiting_.

He wishes there was a way to force them open, but he only succeeds in feeling frustrated and sometime having a headache.

He’s about to turn back for the day when his gaze is caught by someone exiting a nearby shop and he recognizes his totally-not-a-stranger at once.

The young man spots him nearly immediately and freezes, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Harry knows that any moment now the young man is going to flee again, but he cannot allow it, cannot lose him again. He has no doubt that the boy is the key to his memories, even at this distance he can make out the blue of his eyes, the _blue admiration_ even if now they’re just _blue desperation_. He needs to do something to make him stay, but he doesn’t know what and he feels his heart racing, knows he’s second away from panicking. So he stops thinking, just lets his instincts take over and…

“ _Eggsy wait_!”

Eggsy stops straight in his tracks and looks at Harry, hope battling denial. He needs to get away now because this is not happening, this is another one of those horrible dreams he keeps having. Soon he’ll wake up alone, Harry alive but with no idea who he is, no idea that there is someone out there feeling completely heartbroken about him.

By now, Harry has made it in front of him, flashes of past events assaulting him without pause and it’s everything he’s wanted since he woke up not knowing who he was, but he doesn’t _care_. How can he when he’s faced with the anguish on Eggsy’s face?

So he just reaches out, wraps his arm around him in a close embrace and holds him.

Eggsy just latches on his coat’s lapels and he begs, begs, _begs_ , sobbing all the while and it’s reminiscent of the last time they met, except this time, instead of begging Harry to recognize him, he’s begging something else and it’s breaking Harry’s heart.

“ _Please, please don’t be a dream, not this time please, don’t be please please please_ ”

They must make quite a sight, two man standing in the middle of the sidewalk, clinging to one another, tears running freely down their cheeks.

Harry cannot bring himself to care, just keeps on repeating one simple word, lips pressing on hair, temples, forehead, every inches of skin he can reach.

“ _Eggsy_ ”


End file.
